Current mood:

thoughtful

Layers of grief
Went up to Seattle, with a little difficulty.

First I thought I'd reserved a 8:30 a.m. flight, but actually I did the 10:30 flight (the 8:30 would have gotten me in to Seattle at 10:30, so maybe that was the source of my confusion?), which was scheduled to arrive at 12:30 - cutting it a bit close to get to a 2 pm memorial service in downtown, but doable.

Ah, but then there was the mechanical problem on the flight. So, I got off that flight, rebooked onto the 12:30 flight thinking that I'd be late, but still make it for some of the gathering.

Instead of waiting in the 12:30 flight area, I went back to the now-empty original waiting area - stressed, sad and extremely frustrated. Then a Buddhist monk in his beautiful robes sat two chairs down from me and I thought, "OK, here comes some perspective." He saw that I was sad, and we chatted about death and life (he was on his way to a wedding) and impermanence. All good reminders at a time when I really needed them.

Then there was a mechanical issue with the 12:30 flight, so I went back to the original flight, which was now fixed and finally left at 1:30. Sigh.

Found a cab driver (with a Prius!) who got me quickly and safely to the Space Needle, where the memorial was being held. Chris B came out and found me and escorted me in. There was someone at the microphone speaking tearfully, and after he sat down and no one else stood up I hopped up there, offered a few thoughts (which probably weren't very coherent, but I at least did get a Hitchiker's reference in there).

There were some folks from High School there and it was good to see them. I also saw Morgan's dad and his brother, and I hadn't seen them in a very long time.

About 6 of us went to dinner and had a good time. After dinner we went up to Morgan and his widow Kiki's house and hung out for a couple of hours and then went back downtown and crashed for the night.

The next morning Chris and his mom and I went to Pike's Place and had breakfast and wandered around. I bought a few food things (huckleberry tea and some blackberry jam for me, coffee and apple cinnamon bread for C). We met up with Lara and then headed back to the airport.

The flight home was totally uneventful and it was so good to see C and baby Sam.

Seattle really is beautiful and I'm glad I got to go up. I'm really sad that I didn't go up to visit Morgan while he was still alive.

While I haven't completely fleshed this idea out, I have an image of grief as being like the rings on a tree stump - some years are thick with grief and other's aren't, but you can look and see the layers and what years were and it tells you about where you were in the moment in time.